A Love Call

It has been a long time since I have had a chance to just sit and write. There have been so many things that have happened in such a short amount of time. My grandma had a stroke a few weeks back. It was very sudden and with still no real explanation of why. She is only in her sixties, and before the stroke she was incredibly active both physically and mentally. She was still working, and I believe that she was doing so partly to help me with tuition for college and also to keep her mind healthy. She is such a giving woman, and she has been so quick to help me in every way she can to help me succeed. So for the last few weeks we have been talking to all of Albuquerque relatives to keep updated in her condition. She lost not only all of her mobility on the left side of her body, but she no longer even recognizes that there is a left side. If you stand and talk to her on her left side, she has no idea that you even exist. So last night I had gone to bed pretty late, and was planning to get up early to go pray for a little girl. Around 4:15 in the morning my phone starts ringing. Completely out of it, I thought that someone was calling me to tell me that I was late for prayer. So I instantly jumped up and grabbed the phone, noticing as I did that it was my grandma who was calling. Confused, I answered. When I heard her voice, my heart broke. The voice on the other end was not the voice of the lady I had grown up knowing. The words were similar and in a sense that they held some familiarity and resembled something once spoken in a past conversation. The voice on the line told me how proud she was of me, how much she loves the cards that we send frequently, that the scriptures meant so much, and how much she loved me. As she spoke I broke into tears. I had heard that since her stroke she had reverted back to a child-like mentality. By the way she used her voice as she spoke and by the very odd time of morning (something she would never do), I knew that the woman with such an intellectual brain was lost, maybe not gone forever, but lost somewhere in her childhood. Not only was I heart broken by the fact that she was truly different, but most of all I was truly touched that even in her state of confusion and unawareness, she was thinking about me, and wanted to call me and tell me that she was proud of me and that she loved me, words I so rarely heard from her. From this God showed me how much HE loves me. I often struggle with wondering how God TRULY feels about me, and the moment I hung up that phone He spoke to me. He told me, "If you think that's love, you cannot begin to know how much more I love you. I just wanted to give you a glimpse of my love for you at time that I knew you would need it."